A POWERFUL QUESTION TO ASK YOURSELF

"The only way to free your pain is to feel your pain." - Dustin Thomas

I'm coming at you this week with a tough question. I should warn you, it might make you uncomfortable, and it could even be triggering.

As humans we are meant to feel the full spectrum of our emotions, yet we often shy away from feeling the painful ones. But, if we are committed to our personal growth and Awesomeness, we must take a courageous approach toward wholeness, embracing our villain side too. This is called shadow work. 

The thing is, for a lot of us it's difficult to identify just what the pain is or where it came from, and we aren't aware of the layers of emotions obscuring the core issue. Just as there are layers of emotions, there are layers of work and growth that are key to unveiling the root cause and setting us free. This is why shadow work is so crucial. When we don't do the work, that's when the villain takes over and we lose control. This prompt will help you to find clarity and to take a more honest look. 

Here it is. What are you not willing to feel?

Take a beep breath, and be honest with yourself. Really. What are you not willing to feel?

I am going to share my experience with this question, in hopes that it will help you to find your own answers. Before that, I'll give you one more question I ask my coaching clients when we are first getting to know each other. 

What do you not want me to ask you? 

Radical self-acceptance is no easy pill to swallow, but within the answers to these questions lies your power. In fact, radical self-acceptance is one of the ultimate real-life superpowers. 

So, what would happen if you let yourself feel the pain? What would happen if you practiced radical self-acceptance? Could it be the key to your power and ability to take action?

I remember so vividly when I first was confronted with this question. My friend and yoga mentor, after taking my class, told me I had a lot of anger inside, and if I could just allow myself to feel it I would be a much more powerful teacher. Whoa! This shook me, and at first I didn't want to hear it. I definitely got defensive. Anger is an emotion we are shamed for feeling and expressing. Especially as a woman, I learned early on that anger was unbecoming and scary. Go ahead, feel and express all the sadness and fear you want, but don't even think of showing your anger. This is the message I got from society. 

But once I was able to let my guard down and embrace my shadow work, I was able to accept that the anger in me was simply information guiding me on my healing journey. I realized that I was never going to set myself free of the patterns that allowed the villain within (aka negative thoughts, limiting beliefs, hate, anger, envy, etc.) to rule, unless I allowed myself this dance with my shadow. Unless I allowed myself to feel the pain. 

So what does this work look like for me? Breathing, moving, screaming into a pillow, screaming in my car, high intensity workouts, boxing, journaling, working with my coach, meditating, talking openly with people I trust. Most importantly, it is feeling the anger when it comes up, not shying away from it, and reminding myself that I am safe to do so. It is being super honest with myself and knowing that I have the right to express my anger, as long as I am not hurting anyone. 

And goddess almighty do I have a lot of layers to work through! I'm also okay with that. Radical self-acceptance has taught me so much patience and presence that, dare I say, I am actually enjoying the process. I've learned to be comfortable with being uncomfortable. I know it means I'm growing and becoming AwesomeR. 

My wish for you is that you will get brutally honest with yourself, radically accept yourself, and allow yourself to feel the pain so you can once and for all set yourself free. 

Much love and Awesomeness to you. I am always here if you would like guidance. Good luck, my friend.