"WHAT WILL YOU DO WITH YOUR ONE PRECIOUS WILD LIFE?" - Mary Oliver

Life has taught me at an early age the necessity of possessing a growth mindset. With a growth mindset, one seeks to improve and evolve in life. The focus is on developing yourself. You don't shy away from change, from effort and hard work, or turn your back on knowledge. You are open to life's lessons and you embrace change as you continually strive towards personal growth, and achievement. 

What is ironic is that I am a Taurus. And for a Taurean, such a mindset is a challenge in and of itself. We are not big fans of change. My tendency has always been to resist change and avoid lessons for as long as possible. When change became inevitable, I would defiantly say f-it and charge through the experience, kicking and screaming all the way. Just like the bull I am. I was only open to learning and growing when such things happened on my terms. But my all-or-nothing strategy was not the most pleasant experience, didn't serve me well, and often times the drama I created in the process, would incur stress for all parties involved. 

Thankfully I have learned in my older years that a growth mindset does not have to be a series of dramatic events. Change does not have to be a coup d'etat or some kind of revolution. There is an easier way. The incredible power of the +1 Rule is a much more effective way to accept and adapt to change, all the while being in charge of your reactions and actions. 

Life in and of itself is dynamic, ever-changing, never static. Whether we realize it or not, we are always changing the trajectory of our lives, every moment of every day with the decisions we make. Everything we choose to do and choose not to do has a consequence, a ripple effect in life. So this +1 Rule rule is an incredible way to meet the ebbs and flows in life, with open eyes, open mind, open heart, and genuine intention in order to stay upright and afloat, one conscious decision at a time. It's like little drops of water that make up a mighty ocean - little efforts, our +1s, adding up to an outcome larger than ourselves.

When the pandemic hit the world in full force a year ago, my family, like so many others, were caught off guard and sent into a tailspin. At the time, I was recently separated, nursing a broken heart and just going through the motions of everyday life. Just maintaining was the daily goal. When New York went into full lockdown, I all of a sudden found myself alone in Brooklyn and isolated in my home indefinitely with my five kids, not knowing what to do nor how I was going to do it. 

Continuing as I currently was - wallowing in self-pity and operating on autopilot, was no longer an option for me. I had two teens and three young children with me, watching me, needing me, and following my lead, 24/7. Remaining numb and living in a stressful state of panic and despair was not what I wanted for my kids nor for myself.

This is where applying the +1 Rule became essential for me.

I first allowed myself to "let it out". Feel all the feels, freak out, cry in the shower, panic and stress under my covers in my bed, and basically feel sorry for myself.

Then, I sprung into action. First, I +1 our home so it became more than just our home. It became a high school, a college, an elementary school, a preschool, a workplace for me, a gym, a playground, a restaurant, a sanctuary, a library, a music venue, a dance club, an art studio, a crisis center….our Brooklyn loft became our entire world serving all of our various needs.

So many nights I personally went to bed sick with worry about the impact this pandemic would have on my kids and if my efforts were just me losing my mind. But I felt in my heart that this was all I could do considering the situation I was faced with. So, I put all of my energy into making conscious decisions that would best serve my kids and myself as a whole. 

As a family, the kids and I decided Saturday was the safest day for us to venture out and get food and fresh air. Otherwise, we hunkered down and made the best of our situation, basically +1 every moment of every day. With a little creativity, a lot of repurposing and resourcefulness, a lot of Google searches, numerous TikTok referencing, elbow grease, and a few tears (ok a lot of tears), we figured out how to deal with this shocking change and helped support each other so we all kept feeling inspired, motivated, "free" and sane, all the while stuck in our home.

 There were many times we felt the stresses of our situation, the frustration, and even the despair, not knowing when this was going to end and what this meant for everyone's future.

It seemed to me like the only times we were happy was when we reminisced of the good old days pre-CoVid and would share with one another our dreams of what we were going to do when “we got out” - travel, see friends, hang out in a public setting, eat out, go to a gym, go to school, take public transportation - anything that meant we were outside of our house.

But somehow we made it through. Here we are, one year later, about to receive our second shot, with the world, OUR world, opening back up. It feels like a new lease on life. My oldest daughter was finally able to get to Paris to attend university. My younger daughter graduated high school online but was able to move to Boulder and experience her first year of college living in a dorm. My three young sons and I ended up moving to the suburbs of Chicago to begin a new life, one that includes backyards and extended family. Granted nothing is obviously the way it once was, but this time we all seemed better equipped and ready for this new life change.

Watching my girls leave the nest following their dreams and seeing my boys in heaven playing freely outside, I bask in how wonderful this all is, but I cannot help but still wonder at times how this experience really affected my children long-term. 

Then I received a video my eldest daughter made. Capturing our time in lockdown in New York City. It was upon watching this video did I realize the true power of the +1 Rule. The real magic it possesses. How I underestimated the effort that enriches our spiritual life with happiness and passion. My daughter showed me all of the little moments I did not see at the time. The smiles, the wonder, the discoveries, the joy, the love, the strength, the milestones, the gratitude we all shared during this time. I saw how each one of my children consciously chose time and time again to focus on the wondrous beauty of life, the safety in one another, treasuring each moment with such love and eagerness to bond, to learn and to grow. They were naturally +1-ing their own lives, surmounting this challenging situation and navigating their path so they ended up victorious for themselves.

If simply applying the +1 rule enabled us to achieve all that during such a trying time under such limiting and uncertain circumstances, what possibilities can we achieve for ourselves now that the world has once again become our oyster?

​​​​​​So as I boldly step off my block, facing new circumstances and even more change, I am no longer paralyzed by fear and the overwhelming pressure to take on everything at once. I feel empowered and renewed and confident knowing that the real commitment in life is making the choice to +1 every conscious decision I choose to make. Because the effect of those decisions extends way beyond myself. The impact of my efforts and my choices are great and deep. So rather than limit me and those I love with decisions based on questions of doubt like "What if this happened?" or "How am I supposed to do that?", I instead am choosing to continue +1-ing my life by asking myself every moment of every day, Mary Oliver's brilliant question, "What will you do with your one precious, wild life?"